The importance of his wife's outward appearance to a husband lies not in the appearance or beauty per se, but in what it says about the inclination of her heart towards, or away from, her husband. It is analagous to the importance of our obedience to Biblical commands as Christians. Our obedience is not what makes us right with God, it is evidence of a heart that is already inclined toward Him. So, knowing that outward appearance carries at least some importance to her husband, it seems a wife would want to pay some attention to it - out of love for him. Similarly, if I know that clean dishes and a clean house are important to my wife I will do the dishes and pick up my dirty socks. I know that it is not the clean dishes and tidy bedroom that are as important to my wife as what the fact that I cleaned them says about the inclination of my heart towards her in love. I could say that she should just get over it and accept the fact that I prefer to leave my dirty clothes in a pile in the corner. She should love me in spite of that. But, what would that say about my love and ocmmitment to consider her needs before my own?
So, if we grant the assumption that some level of attention to outward appearance is appropriate, what level is that? I would agree that if a husband expects his wife to live up to the beauty standards of the world and look like the cover of a magazine, he probably has some heart issues of his own. And, to any godly husband it is beauty of character that should be of primary importance. But, that does not mean that outward appearance is of no importance. It seems that all a husband would could expect is that his wife make a reasonable attempt to do the best she can with what God has given her. And, this is a general, overall trend. This does not mean that a husband would consider his wife as failing in this regard if she wears an old tshirt and sweatpants as she does housework. But, to use the opposite end of the spectrum, he might be disappointed if he sets up an anniversary date at a nice restaurant and his wife comes to the date in those same clothes. Again, not primarily because of how she looks at that point, but because of what it indicates about her heart and her relationship with her husband.
And, yes, this principle about external appearance applies to the men too. Men should not assume that because external appearance is known to be generally more important to men than women that it is entirely unimportant to their wives. A man’s disregard for his own appearance, a failure to make a reasonable attempt to do the best he can with what God has given him, likewise gives evidence of a heart that is not inclined toward his wife as it should be. I think I Corinthians 7:4 does apply here.
So, the bottom line here is that any external behavior, whether care for appearance or doing dishes or giving gifts, between husband and wife is important, first of all, for what evidence it gives of what is going on in the heart.
